Last week a New York Times/Siena poll found that Americans of every generation shifted to the left over the last two years — except for one: Generation X.

Liberal Boomers, Millennials and Gen Zers were gobsmacked.  

“What’s wrong with Gen X?” they demanded.

As a member of that generation I’m here to tell you: Absolutely nothing.

In fact, we’re the only thing standing between this country and communism — the break-glass-in-case-of-emergency generation.

In the ’90s they called us slackers. Now we’re middle-aged, menopausal and holding the door at the Alamo.

Have you even said “thank you”?

No mystery why we’re like this: It’s because we were neglected — latchkey kids who ate saltines for dinner.

Many of our parents got divorced and forgot they had children, which was fine because we were busy getting blackout drunk in hayfields and smoking weed in garages.

We also bullied each other — and it made us resilient.

I’m only half kidding when I say the anti-bullying movement launched this country’s decline. 

Nobody came to save us, so we never expected the government to, either.

Our whole political philosophy could fit on a bumper sticker: Leave us alone.

And we vote on the basis of which party is more likely to do so.

Also, we’re the ones who are working; we’re in our peak earning years, which means our peak taxpaying years, too.

Boomers are collecting Social Security, and younger generations are trying to afford a one-bedroom — the people writing the checks are us.

Oh, you mean to tell me the people paying for everything don’t want everything to be free? Shocker.

Nothing makes you more skeptical of “free” like being the one forced to pay for it.

Plus, we’re tired. Not like social-justice couch-warrior “I’m tired,” I mean literally and physically.

We have toddlers, plus teens, plus kids in their 20s who moved back home.

Don’t forget aging parents: Not just two, because they all got divorced and remarried, but four. Sometimes six.

Divorce never ends.

Meanwhile, Gen X women are hitting menopause, meaning we’re in that famous “zero-effs” era.

Layer that atop our default “well, whatever, nevermind” attitude, and it’s zero-effs on steroids. Or, hormones.

You can’t shame us into voting the way you want; we’re immune to that emotional manipulation and bullying.

Generationally, we’re the middle child.

We’ve got Boomers on one side going “just get a good job at the factory,” Millennials on the other asking “what if the factory were a co-op?” and Zoomers off filming TikTok dances on the factory floor.

We’re the ones who remember the Cold War and the internet before it ate everyone’s brain, so we don’t fall for every Russian psy-op that gets injected into the discourse. Thank you, “Red Dawn.” 

And yes, I know Gen X is irritatingly obsessed with itself. In our defense, nobody else was paying attention to us.

Also, a 2022 study found that almost everyone born in the ’60s and ’70s was exposed to harmful levels of lead from car exhaust and of course those yummy paint chips.

So some of this may be brain damage.

But I have hope for the kids.

It’s not some fair-weather podcast bro that will red-pill Gen Z  — it’s a house, and their first real tax bill.

Nothing turns a socialist into a libertarian faster than that FICA line on a paycheck. 

That’s why I do think housing is America’s biggest problem: Lawn care takes time.

You can’t put on a keffiyeh and riot when you’ve got gutters to clean and three trips to Home Depot to complete the same project.

A mortgage is the most counter-revolutionary force in America, and young people can’t afford houses, so they have nothing to do on Saturday except become communists.

Of course they want to abolish private property. They don’t have any.

Now, you may object that Gen X’s political stance is nothing special.

After all, people do tend to drift right as they buy homes, raise kids and pay taxes. 

If that’s the case, then the cure for communism is right in front of us: The most anti-communist thing this country could do is build houses and make it easy and affordable for young people to buy them.

Until then, somebody’s got to hold the line.

So leave it to us, the slackers.

The latchkey kids raised on divorce, hose water and indifference, now caring for four sets of aging boomers, paying for everyone’s benefits and mowing the lawn on Saturday.

We didn’t ask for the job. We never ask for anything. That’s kind of the point.

Give a guy a 30-year mortgage and a backyard, and he won’t want revolution.

He’ll want a Traeger grill.

Bridget Phetasy is the host of the “Dumpster Fire” and “Walk-Ins Welcome” podcasts.